i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
