why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
