Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
