you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
