There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
