The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
