Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize