I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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