I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
