I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
