Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
