someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Randomize
