My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
