Nicole vs. Life
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
