you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
