look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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