getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
