Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.

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  (401): i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much. http://tfl.nu/qwgv
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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  (850): I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off. http://tfl.nu/irzu
  Replies (22) Good night (2801) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.

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  (651): she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks. http://tfl.nu/ad27
  Replies (16) Good night (4231) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex

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  (303): marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex http://tfl.nu/fie1
  Replies (46) Good night (4356) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.

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  (412): I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on. http://tfl.nu/5fm3
  Replies (30) Good night (10144) Bad night (1471) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.

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  (540): Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof. http://tfl.nu/2421
  Replies (20) Good night (7641) Bad night (1268) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

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  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (31) Good night (11838) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?

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  (807): I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight? http://tfl.nu/7h08
  Replies (5) Good night (777) Bad night (3654) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.

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  (501): So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again. http://tfl.nu/au9d
  Replies (15) Good night (1147) Bad night (3063)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?

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  (208): I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become? http://tfl.nu/ygut
  Replies (5) Good night (1365) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.

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  (360): Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour. http://tfl.nu/4726
  Replies (2) Good night (1273) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night

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  (503): It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night http://tfl.nu/ctpp
  Replies (12) Good night (443) Bad night (3062) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?

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  (215): Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard? http://tfl.nu/x05b
  Replies (11) Good night (480) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  you texted me "dude im face"

  (301): View more from Maryland

  it sounded so right at the time

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  (410): you texted me "dude im face" (301): it sounded so right at the time http://tfl.nu/8042
  Replies (7) Good night (1385) Bad night (411)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.

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  (775): Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers. http://tfl.nu/u3nj
  Replies (3) Good night (452) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt

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