So drunk its hurt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
