meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
