so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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