omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
