Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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