tell your sister to shave her snatch
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
