New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
