I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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