My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
