So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
