I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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