Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize