come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
