You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
