I got chris browned last night
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
