just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
