SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
