I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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