Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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