If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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