Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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