plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
