Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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