Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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