Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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