Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize