I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
