ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize