Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
