yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
