He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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