I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
