Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize