im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
