they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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