i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
