all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
