While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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