Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
