I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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