needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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